Reasons, why many people are afraid to ask for support 

 June 2, 2021

By  Laszlo Rem

Apparently "quite by accident" my previous posts were caught up in the news of a mental health company's data being leaked on the internet. They Told Their Therapists Everything. Hackers Leaked It All

About 10 years ago I had some serious problems that I didn't really notice at the time. I don't want to self-diagnose or encourage anyone to do that, but I thought I was theoretically perfectly healthy, maybe physically I was, but mentally it was different. Much like my childhood, I didn't really know that I could talk to anyone about it, or more precisely, that I could talk to anyone. (Although I feel the same way about a completely different subject as a child.) I had a lot of conversations with friends at the time about the situation, but everyone just shrugged it off really. I used to say that it would work out eventually!

Help can and I think should not only be asked for when you are very deep in a negative spiral situation. It is much more practical to use it at the beginning. Just as I had and still have conditions for it, I suppose you have thought about it, but perhaps you have given it up because of one of the later ones.

Of course, I would like to say that you will get the right support in every situation, but it is worth paying attention to a few things. For example, if you don't just listen to the first few sentences, you can save yourself a lot of unpleasantness!

Sometimes it is difficult to get to the point where you ask for help. Even with just one sentence, a good supporter can dispel thoughts that can later grow into more serious outcomes. I don't really like generalisations, yet there are some that I often come across in my work. I have collected some of these.


You are afraid of being judged by the consultant. Something you are ashamed of comes out.

The first time I went to see one of these professionals, I was like "if he knows what he's doing, I don't have to say anything!". Translating my own thoughts at the time, this meant that I have problems, but I always do my best. My principles are absolutely fine, and what is not is not there. Especially don't let this get out! I mean, the "perfect me is not so perfect..."

During the Consultation, although I am not an ordained monk, everything that is said remains between you and me. I live life on the principle that each person sees it from his or her own perspective, and everything experienced can be transformed. For this reason, there is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing that cannot be transformed into something else.


Everyone's a coach now...

Getting to the point of asking for support is a big step in itself. And if you think that trust, practice and experience are important for a consultation, you are absolutely right!

We often say that we Hungarians are a country of 10 million professionals. There are trendy professions and there are those who see working with others as a really easy way to make money. If it ever becomes one.

I've had the privilege of talking to quite a few people over the years, and working with people from a wide variety of backgrounds.

Don't choose the services of a coach/consultant just because their story is similar to yours! Everyone will suggest: 'Listen to his/her story and observe what he/she got out of that hole! "' But have you ever wondered why there aren't dozens of Jobs, Gates, Robbins?

The same recipe can't work for everyone, and almost everyone will have different things come up in relation to one memory or another, even if they have been in the same situation more than once.

The results are not lasting. Constant ups and downs.

For this reason, we also take a personalised approach to consultations. We look first and foremost at what works for you and what works for your development. We go at the pace that works best for you. (I am here to support you, of course, but also to help you go through the stages that you for some other reason missed, but that will bring you the best results.)

You ask too much! Enough with the "investing in myself"!

Invest in yourself is a great phrase, and I think it's extremely important. Like everything else, it can be worn out.
I could say the extremely clichéd phrase that it's all a matter of perspective. I would also say to think about what your current situation means to YOU, and what experience would you have if you recognized your limitations and changed them?The theory of investing in yourself is important, but it is worth nothing if you don't gain change and knowledge that you can use. In my consultations, I place a strong emphasis on not just dealing with what is uncomfortable. If you are involved, we can develop clearer perspectives and new action steps. But it doesn't have to end there. If you choose, I am available several times a week.

This is an important topic, because whether we like to admit it or not, the past period has been extremely stressful, and life has more surprises in store for us. I have read many books where it was quite clear that either the author or the characters (I am talking about non-fiction) had organized support for themselves at the very beginning of their journey or along the way. I am reading a book by Ray Dalio, and he describes most honestly that excelling in one area does not make you clearly good in another.

About the author

Rém László a THE REAL SHIFTER Programok megalkotója, amely a megszokott módszerektől eltérő megközelítést kínál, ötvözve a valóságot és a spiritualitást, a nyugati tudást és a keleti filozófiákat, vezető coach-ok, mesterek és tanárok által bevált technikákkal.

I'd love to hear from you!

Want to take the next step towards success? Do you want to find solutions for yourself that bring simple but lasting change to your life?

You can choose from a variety of programs for you and your friends, as well as tailor-made workshops, mindset programs and personal consultations.

I'd like to have a talk with you to find out what works (or doesn't work), and together we can find what works best for you!

Hope to see you soon!

With Love and Gratitude,
László Rém 

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